USO TOUR 2015

USO stands for United Service Organization - it’s a non profit that helps make daily life better for all the who work on active duty in our military (about 1.4 million people - among the Army, Navy, Air Force, Marines, Coast Guard). Plus all their children and wives and husbands. Many of these people are stationed far away from home, protecting our security, which is a hard, important job. Many of them don’t get to come home for the holidays to be with their family. So the USO does tons of stuff for them, including providing entertainment, in order to keep them connected to home and family.

MY job this week is to be a part of a live show, and to express our appreciation for what they do for us each day -- for not a lot of money and not a lot of appreciation (and not a lot of time off, I’ve learned)!

I was asked to do this a few weeks ago, and because of paperwork / security stuff I had to make a quick decision. It completely screwed up a job I'm working on, but I figured "I just can't say no to this." As it turned out everyone was supporting and it'll all work out...

DAY 1 - WASHINGTON, DC

On thursday I flew from California to DC where I met up with the whole group from the USO.

I met with our traveling group which was 4 musicians (including American Idol favorite Chris Daughtry, two Boston Red Sox pitchers, a comedian, and Elizabeth Banks ). Also among our group is a group of staffers from the USO, most interestingly, The Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, General Joseph Francis Dunford, Jr.

The Chairman is the highest ranking military position in the country, underneath the President of the United States. We are traveling this whole time with the Chairman and his wife, on Air Force 2, which is the Plane the Vice President takes when he goes places:

After an orientation session we went to Andrews Airforce Base and boarded the plane for our first overnight flight.

Day 2: Naval Air Station Sigonella, Sicily, Italy

After landing on the base, we were welcomed then sent to the hotel to rest/shower for about an hour after which we visited various units on the base.

I learned about remote piloted planes that gather intelligence, I saw larger older planes that drop microphones into the ocean, I even learned how a machine gun works - not my favorite part.

The people we met were super proud of the work that they do and grateful that we were there to visit. Many of the kids at this base go to a Department of Defense School right on the base.

After the touring and learning, and we had soundcheck,

Quick dinner in the cafeteria where we sat with and chatted with soldiers, airmen, marines, and sailors -- then it was time to do the show.

Elizabeth and I were the hosts of the evening and it went extremely well. Lots of laughs and good music and the crowd was fired up. We made a lot of jokes that were specific to what’s going on, on this particular base. They really loved it and were so happy to see faces from back home.

After the show, we did a very log session of photo calls and meet & greets with fans who wanted stay afterward. It was endless passing back and forth of truly sincere expressions of appreciation.

View out the hotel window in Italy.

Next morning 6:30 breakfast then back on the plane.

Day 3: Camp Lemonnier Djibouti, Africa

It is the only permanent US military base in the entire continent of Africa. Most of the people there are stationed there on deployments of six months to a year. So many soldiers have young kids in the states they don’t get to see the whole time.

We’ve be warned that it’s deadly Malaria season there, but we have medications and sprays to prevent and, god forbid, treat.

And it’s 88 degrees.

We again met with many of the troops who showed us the specialized equipment they used and we got to know them and hear about what their lives & jobs are all about. I got to operate a really cool remote control robot that is used to explore dangerous areas before they send people in.

A lot of the people there specialize in rescue -- flying in helicopters and extracting people from dangerous situations. We saw so many different kinds of vehicles, weapons, equipment.

Djibouti is in the horn of Africa. The personnel are not allowed to leave the base there, except on missions. They live in literally shipping containers that are set up as living quarters. But they say it’s better than a lot of places because they are allowed to drink beer (2 max) in the on-base bar at night. We stayed in a SUPER fancy hotel but didn’t really see it much b/c we have no down time.

Every night we eat dinner at a table with soldiers and get to get to know them. General Dunford (Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff) presents a special coin to five of the people who’ve done outstanding work on the base. Seeing these young people so excited to be recognized by their commander was quite moving.

The shows at night are a basically a variety show - it starts with the General greeting the crowd, then he introduces me and Elizabeth. We come on and make a few jokes about what we saw that day and who we met, etc. And then we bring out the other acts -- a comedian, a trio of singer-songwriters, two baseball players, and a pop/rock star (Chris Daughtry). We do little shtick with each and also pass out Wet Hot & Pitch Perfect DVDs/Posters. At the end of the show everyone sings along to “Don’t Stop Believing”.

After the show we stay and take photos with groups of people. Then usually back to the hotel for a drink then bed.

Early next morning we head to the next place.

Day 4: NSA Bahrain, Manama, Bahrain

This is an island nation housing the primary Middle East base.

Thousands of troops are stationed there and thousands more come through - they service navy ships and basically give support of all kinds to every operation in the region. It’s like a huge city - many families and kids there (unlike Djibouti). The show in fact was at least half kids, many of them young girls who came to see Elizabeth. There are a tiny handful of people in each place there who were fans of me - I would say 95% have no clue who I am, which is fine by me!

This base by comparison was way nicer. Many of the troops live in the town (“Las Vegas of the Middle East”) and they ride their bikes to work. There’s TONS to do on the base. So much of the jobs are to be ready in case something happens, but nothing’s happening. So, for example, there’s a huge ship that’s a mine sweeper, tasked with finding and disabling mines under the water. After really questioning them it came out that there basically are no more mines to be found in the area. A lot of stuff like that.

DAY 5: Bagram Airfield, Afghanistan

We had a sense that Afghanistan would be a different deal, and it was. This is a base with thousands and thousands of troops. No spouses or kids anywhere nearby. Every single man and woman is carrying at least one huge machine gun, many also have a handgun. These guns are loaded and strapped to their bodies every waking hour of the day. This alone, naturally created a different feeling.

There are also bunkers there. It felt a lot more like an army base you think of from the movies.

One highlight was meeting a group of special forces guys - the types that were portrayed in Zero Dark 30. Meeting the was a huge emotional eye opener for us. They didn’t feel or sound like “soldiers” - unlike everyone else who had to be clean shaven and crew-cutted, these guys had long hair a beards, to better mix in with the local population. They spoke so thoughtfully and intelligently about their mission there. One had a northeastern accent and reminded me of the actor Ben Shenkman- just not the type you think of. He was one of many people we met that threw my previous notion of what we’re doing over there into a state of confusion / rethinking.

They are engaging with the location population and training them on a daily basis. But it’s a hostile territory. It was just super intense.

The show that night was in a HUGE hangar and went pretty well. Because it was no families we went “blue” and were able to a lot of dirty jokes, etc, which gave the show a raunchier tone.

After it was over we took more photos (with Elizabeth Banks around we were bombarded for selfies every single minute, no matter what was going on PLUS we had several official photographers everywhere).

It was an exhausting day which ended with a bunch of the guys going right from the show outside to jump into planes and start sort of mission!

We too got right on a plane and flew seven hours, instead of staying overnight in Afghanistan.

DAY 6: Landstuhl Regional Medical Center, Landstuhl, Germany

We arrived very late to the hotel in Germany, but I was determined to go for a run the next morning, both for much needed exercise, and because we’d never had a chance to see anything outside the bases.

But I needed sleep - so I woke up only an hour before we had to roll out. I was determined though so I rushed on my shoes and went for a run in the chilly town of Kaiserslautern. It was lovely, but then about 30 minutes in I realized that 1) I have to use the bathroom, bad, not pee, and 2) I’m lost. My phone had died earlier in the trip so that was no help. I hobbled around looking for directions and/or a toilet - and no one understood, nor was willing to help me. Finally I came to the moment where I thought I might have to just squat down on the grass between the two lanes of the road and poop. I was out of options. Then FINALLY last minute I found a hair salon who let me go. Phew. Then to the matter of being lost and now LATE, with 30 people waiting for me to go, including the Chairman. Long story short, I got directions from a cop and did make it just in time.

LRMC is the largest military hospital outside of the continental United States. We learned about their amazing success rate (if you get to the hospital, injured from battle, 98% chance of survival). We met and talked to many patients and staff.

Then we went to the Ramstein Air Force Base in Kaiserslautern, Germany, a central base for all European operations. Again learned a ton more. I got a lesson from a guy on how he can expertly take a gun off my hands - it was a plastic practice gun but it hurt like hell anyway. (video here)

The final show that night in Germany was terrific, and afterward the Chairman hosted a beautiful thank you dinner. He made a speech expressing the armed forces gratitude for what we did, and this speech had most of us sobbing with tears.

That night we all went back to the hotel and celebrated all night, literally, until our 6:45 am car pick up. Our plane took off at at the equivalent of 1:10am L.A. time so we tried to sleep as much of the flight as we could.

It was exhausting and unforgettable. Inspiring, eye opening, thought provoking. I’ll think of more details and add more pictures as I can.