by request
April 8, 2008 | General
Okay I asked you all what I should write about and I got a lot of responses… so I’ll do them all!
Q. write about that thing coming out of your mouth.
A. Well I think it was a noodle. I probably slurped it up right after the picture was taken. The space needle in Seattle is also like a big noodle. Or more accurately it sounds like a noodle but it’s a needle.
Q. and your kid.
A. He’s just basically a great little boy.
Q. oh, how about go to venice beach and then write about the insane people there. look for the clown guy. do the hang thang with him.
A. I really had a great experience with this one - Venice Beach is insane - women in bikinis wearing next to nothing, guys in little bikinis wearing next to nothing, plus ladies and gents who are almost naked. I did find the clown guy, he ended up peeing in my eye. Hang thang was chill - more of a night time thang.
Q. you can always write about dildos and dryhumping !
A. Best dildos - CyberJell-ee Rodd Massive Kock w/ Ballz - you can find it most places. Dryhumping - if you’re careful, a very safe way to get sexy with out getting pregnant. Wear thick jeans.
Q. The Keith and Erich Bonanza Hour
A. Never heard of it.
Q. write about how epically awesome you are
A. Basically I’m pretty much Mister Cool — but truthfully, the best bet for a happy life is to get a good EDUCATION. Forget Mister Cool — if you want to be awesome, you want to be “Mister SCHOOL”.
Q. I request that you write about what the next big Stella venture is going to be.
A. Either a tour, or a DVD, or a web project.
Q. I request that you write about how Wainy Days is going to expand to a full season of 30-minute episodes.
A. by adding 25 minutes to each one.
Q. write some fiction!
A. It all started when Don Bedner realized it was time to make a change in his life. He’d lived in the same house on Brary Lane for nineteen years, woke up every morning, kissed his wife on the cheek, and went off to work the same way: Cut across the overpass to the underpass and into the parking garage of Glandoo Textiles, Inc.
“I can’t do it anymore”, said Don to his wife. “I used to be able to do it, but I just CAN’T DO IT ANYMORE.”
The normally rosy hue drained from his wife’s cheeks like milk pouring into a hot brown cup of coffee turning it whiter. “What’s gotten into you, Don?” she asked.
With this Don ripped off his shirt and tie, revealing two rust colored nipples the size of cardboard beer coasters. Only these didn’t say Budweiser or Shlitz or Coors. These spoke of days and nights of souless desperation.
Don’s eyes closed, hard. He fell to the ground with a thud. The wife died many years later. Don died in the year 2038.
Q. Write about Wainy Days, Stella, The State, and the movie youre working on!
A. Wainy Days more episodes coming this summer; Stella (see above); The State - we had a great show at UCB last month, and now who knows what?; the movie I’m working on - these things take forever. Very interesting working for the first time in the studio world.
Q. Tell us how a second season of Stella will be released. I pray to god every night for this.
A. Not gonna happen b/c Comedy Central cancelled us!
Q. Maybe a photolog of all the people you’ve randomly pushed down in the street since you got there? Or perhaps a video montage thereof, to the tune of Simply Red’s “Holding back the years.”
A. Done! Posted on www.yeah-as-if.com
Q. How about writing about the formative years of the David Wain we know and love?
A. I had a happy childhood in Shaker Heights. One day I was riding my bike around the duck pond and I couldn’t stop and I rode right into the pond! I got all wet and was a little shaken up but it was okay because when I got home my mom gave me hot chocolate.
Another time I went to a party at a rich girl’s house and this one girl I’d heard wanted to mess around with me, but I was shy and nervous so we walked out the helicoptor pad and she was cold so I put my arms around her and we locked braces for about five minutes. After that we were boyfriend and girlfriend.
I also at that time had a DJ service called MetroMusic.
Q. Write about how you and Jonathan Campos should hang out and have some wild and crazy adventures that not even a brilliant writer such as yourself could possibly think of. You’re in my county. There is no reason we shouldn’t be laughing together! I know that sounded creepy, but it’s not because I am staring at this picture of you dreaming of the things we would do.
A. Ehhh.
Q. Write about Marcus.
A. Who?
Q. Write about the upcoming STATE film!!!!
A. One day!
Q. write about your cat.
A. His name is Morgan and he’s big and fat and cute and not really a cat but more like a dog or a beast or a bear.
Q. you could write about the primaries — even though I’m bored to tears of hearing about it everyday, I think you could give the subject more color.
A. I think with Barack Obama running the subject already has a bit of color - if you know what I mean? His skin color? Different than the previous presidents?
Q. I say write whatever you feel like writing whenever you feel like writing it. Even if its just a quick thought you want to share, or a picture of something stupid, a memory, or rehashing a dream you had the night before - lay it on us. It’s always fun to hear about what you’re up to.
A. Last night I dreamt that I was in an elevator but it had no walls and the floor was slanted and slippery and it was going at blazing fast speed to the top of a skyscraper, but I couldn’t find a way to hold on because there were no walls and I was going to fall 100 stories.
Q. Which comedians would you like to work with that you haven’t been able to yet?
A. Kristen Wiig, Seth Rogen, Ricky Gervais, Sascha Baron Cohen, Ben Stiller, Steve Carell
Q. Are the same investors that funded The Ten (btw you stole my woman in love with a dummy doll idea…) also in on the new projects?
A. No.
Q. What is your advice on pitching…
A. Keep it short and simple!
Q. …and who to contact?
A. How about HBO?
Q. Do you do it all in LA or any in NYC?
A. Yes!
Q. Any silly stories from the set? - That’s always fun to read about - how the magic happens.
A. One day we forgot the film for the camera so we had to do it live! And then Emily Kimberly took off her wig - turned out “she” was Edward Kimberly.
Q. Write about the struggles and rewards of filming with friends.
A. It’s only rewards, except when you can’t get all your friends in there.
Q. I’d like to know what you’re eating while you’re in LA … besides noodles.
A. Last night - porterhouse steak. Today for lunch, chicken with a mozzerella and tomato salad. This morning for breakfast - oatmeal, yogurt and fruit.
Q. Write about Christopher Meloni being fucking intense
A. He is! And so funny!
Q. Noodle Casserole. Definitely noodle casserole.
A. My Dad hated it but my Mom made it when he was out of town. I can see how some people’s stomach would curdle smelling it but I liked it okay.
Q. write about puppies with zz top beards.
A. I had a lot of trouble getting the ZZ Top beards into the inkwell so I’m going to have just write about puppies with my computer.
Q. when do we get The State DVD????
A. As soon as it’s released.